The Secret Language of Feelings

“The Secret Language of Feelings” is a book written by Calvin D. Banyan, a board certified hypnotherapist and certified instructor.  After performing hypnotherapy on thousands of his clients, he began to see a trend, that feelings were 100% good all the time, no matter what the feeling.  He began to see that all feelings were like an idiot light in a car telling you that there is a problem, which always has a correlating call to action.  It’s  not the idiot lights fault when there is a car problem, it is the root car malfunction causing the issue, i.e., the gas is low (the problem), it is time to fill the tank back up with gas (the call to action).

That is why something like anger can be good and not bad.  The problem is, we’ve been so ingrained in our society to label anger as bad, leading us to suppress it to be accepted.  We don’t identify the cause of the anger and rectify it, we merely cover it up.  It’s akin to a fireman opening the windows of a house when there is a fire to get rid of the smoke instead of finding the fire (the problem) and dousing it with water (the call to action).  How silly would that be?  But that is what we do to our feelings!

Each feeling has a message that it is conveying, a very important one, and when we listen to that message, we can find the root issues that are causing us discomfort, not just in the moment, but issues that have been carrying around with us since childhood.  By no means do I want to over simplify feelings and what they are telling us about our lives, but this is a good start in lieu of purchasing the book.  (It is no longer in print by the way, so I recommend purchasing a copy before they are out of stock.)

Here is a list of the feelings and their root needs, taken from The Secret Language of Feelings, pages 53-54:

Emotional Pain	Need, Want, Desire
1.  Boredom	To grow through challenge
2.  Anger	To experience fairness for self and others
3.  Guilt	To be fair to others
4.  Sadness	To keep valued things and people
5.  Loneliness	To have meaningful relationships
6.  Inadequacy	To feel good enough/adequate
7.  Stress	To have success in managing one’s life
8.  Fear	To feel safe
9.  Frustration	To meet needs through own efforts
10. Depression	To be effective and hopeful

The book is broken down into two parts, the first is about how feelings work and identifying the secret language of feelings.  The second part gives a chapter to each of the emotions addressed above, as well as sympathy, because it “can cause us to feel ‘bad’ when someone else is hurting” and it can also “activate feelings from our past through emotional resonance”.  The book not only lists the emotional pain, the correlating need, want, and desire, but it also gives each feelings call to action.  Just having access to the main emotions above and their correlating needs is life changing in and of itself, but having the opportunity to delve in depth about each one, with the author utilizing stories and examples, is earth shattering.

This system does fit nicely with EFT, as tapping on issues are not nearly as effective as tapping on the root needs.  All our feelings want is to feel understood, with their core issues addressed.  I used to tap on an issue, like finances, by saying something like this:

“Even though my finances are not what I want them to be right now, I choose to deeply and profoundly love, accept, and forgive myself.”

This is a good start, but most practitioners take it a step further, they find the feeling that is drummed up by the issue.  Here is an example of how they might tap:

“Even though my finances are not what I want them to be right now, and it brings up feelings of anger inside of me, I choose to deeply and profoundly love, accept, and forgive myself.”

Utilizing the Secret Language of Feelings in your setup statement, would drill down one step further, it would sound like this:

“Even though my finances are not what I want them to be right now, it brings up feeling of anger inside of me, which is telling me that I do not feel like life is fair right now.  It is telling me that I feel wronged by someone or the Universe, and I’m upset about that.  But even so, I choose to honor my anger, it is ok to feel wronged by the Universe, no matter how just or unfair it seems to be towards me, and I deeply and profoundly love, accept, and forgive myself.”

Now the last setup statement is an amazing step in and of itself, but we can go further than that even with this Secret Language. We can also address the call to action while tapping through the points.

“In spite of this seeming unfairness, I choose to to find ways to create fairness to me and my situation, I choose to see how this situation is really just and fair, since I am the creator of my own reality, and I deeply and profoundly love, accept, and forgive myself for creating this financial reality.”

When tapping on the issue, we may find other memories and feelings associated with the issue, and we might even realize that the issue is just a symptom, NOT THE CAUSE!  The finances?  A symptom.  The Anger?  A symptom.  It is fair, because we created this reality, the anger dissipates, and now we start looking for, and addressing, the childhood issue or limiting belief that is the REAL source of the problem.  I will go into this in more detail in a future blog post.

In the meantime, I highly recommend the book “The Secret Language of Feelings” by Calvin D. Banyan, I found it revolutionary, and I think you will too.  Also, you can download my free eBook and get more insights from the The Secret Language of Feelings, including the messages that they are sending!

What methods do you use to track down feelings?  How do you find out what they are telling you?  Is this a new concept?  Old hat?  I’d love to know!

Disclaimer #1: The information and coaching I provide is intended to educate, inform, and inspire you on your personal journey towards optimal health. It is not intended to replace a one-on-one relationship with a qualified health care professional, nor is it intended as medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you are under the care of any health professionals, I strongly encourage you to discuss modifications in your diet, lifestyle, exercise program, nutrition, or use of EFT (Meridian Tapping) with them prior to making any changes, and never discontinue or reduce prescription medications without consulting your doctor or pharmacist. Disclaimer #2: Although this blog is not a large money maker for me, I still do make something from it each month. I do this via generous donations from my readers (via the PayPal "donate" button on the right of each article), but also from affiliate links within my blog posts. Any link to a book will generate a few pennies for me from Amazon.com should you purchase it. Also, I will make a small commission from any product purchased from my advertising on the right side of each blog post.