12 Responses to “Love as a Weapon”

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  1. Trinie

    Another excellent article Nathan!!! I think my spirit guides were actually driving the car to deliver me to meet with you at the Lotus.(They are hoping you can help the “Runaway Bride/Wife” not to mess up once again 🙂 Your articles hit home. I have been tapping with the phrases in hopes they will help. Everything you write about makes perfect senses and I understand what I need to change-it’s just easier (of course) said than done. Perhaps this pattern I have created within doesn’t know how to shut off feelings of not wanting to be controlled or how to stop my thinking love means being submissive. I will keep tapping in hopes it will change this crazy path of mine. Thank you SO MUCH for your blog and articles! They are a true blessing.

    • Wow, thank you for the thoughtful comment Trinie! Yes, I think you can heal anything you decide to heal, and don’t necessarily think you can make the wrong choice in your current relationship. The important thing is, making the choice from the correct space, the one of unconditional love. Unconditional love does not mean that you will last always and forever, it just means that you will love them no matter what. You’re right, all of this is easier said than done, however, maybe it’s all just a matter of “practice makes perfect”? I have learned, the more failures, the more I am able to succeed and enjoy my success! That makes failure an integral part of the process of succeeding in life, right?

      I will leave you with a beautiful quote from OSHO, in his “Being in Love” book:

      “…love is such a delicate flower that you cannot force it to be permanent. You can have plastic flowers; that’s what people have–marriage, their family, their children, their relatives, everything is plastic. Plastic has one very spiritual thing: it is permanent. Real love is as uncertain as your life is uncertain. …a real love will also change.”

      Be well Trinie, I look forward to continuing our dialogue! 😉

  2. using love as a weapon is a hopeless game, since everybody who plays, is a loser. I could know, I am an expert at it.
    Oh how I love having a boyfriend. Only then do I feel ‘enough’. Well, those minutes that I get compliments, I feel enough. The rest of the time I do everything in my power to be everything I think he wants me to be.
    Which of course just leads to inner frustration, since it’s much more fun to just be myself.
    But I have learned from a young age that I could never be enough no matter what.
    That I am always Plan B, as you mentioned in a previous article, so feeling like a constant plan B, I have taught myself to be a very well armed young girl, with love and affection as love and punishment.

    Poor, poor men who enter my inner circle.

    Bless you for giving me magnificent tapping scripts.

    My life changed drastically within 24 hours after tapping about shifting from Plan B to being Plan A.

    Some people stopped contacting me immediately. They dropped me like a hot potato. And it feels good! They had me in their lives for the wrong reasons. I was only meant to be a fill of a gap in time, if their real friends didn’t have time.

    Now I am more well aware of my boundaries and my self-worth, so people with the intention of using me as Plan B automatically feel they have to play their game elsewhere.

    And now, yet another destructive pattern in my life will dissolve. Thankyou Nathan!

    Who knows, maybe one day Mr Right will come on my path…And I will be pure and clear and enjoy a healthy, mutual love…Wow.

    • Wow, what an inspirational and transparent comment Martina! Thank you for sharing your progress with me and my readers! I am happy that you are healing so many of your harmful patterns, and learning to love yourself more deeply as a result! Mr. Right will come along, when you are Ms. Right and love yourself as such! *big hugs* Thank YOU again Martina, you’re such a beautiful person!

  3. Beth

    Nathan, this is an amazing article. I have always noted the truth in your articles but none hits home more thoroughly than this one. This information is as informative and transformational as the session I was so fortunate to have with you.

    I could be very explicit in my history of “running” and disallowing myself to be hurt by anyone’s withdrawal of love even to the extent of just lowering the bar to those I knew would be unable to do that even if I was unable to love them to that extent in return. I have at least over the last few years become comfortable being alone and looking at all of those issues differently. Now its time for a deeper shift.

    What really brought me to tears is the fact that my oldest already is (at 5) using the “I don’t love you Mom, I don’t want you anymore” with me and more troubling saying the same of his brother and himself. Obviously a much needed article in my life as well as theirs.

    I just sat down with my oldest and we had a conversation about “time outs” and how Mommy apologizes for them and that when he and I butt heads on what I want him to do versus what he wants to do, rather than either of us becoming upset we need to talk about it. He gathered some stuff and walked out to play.

    Thank you Nathan *hugs*

    • I appreciate your openness and transparency Beth, especially on an issue as foundational as this one. You are not alone, we have all used love as a weapon to one extent or another, I am glad that you have the fortitude to admit that you have, and have passed it on to your children. Healing this within you via the EFT script is an amazing first step to take, as it will make you immune to other’s attempts at withholding love from you, and remove your own penchant for withholding love from those you care about. A great second step though, so that you can feel in control of your life, is to look up the book “Parenting with Love and Logic”. Although I am sure that in your particular parenting situation, you will need to be flexible with the book’s advice, I still think it can and will go a long way to assisting you to raise your children with a healthy self concept and understanding of love. Warm regards and much love my friend! *hugs* 😉

  4. Kylie

    This really is amazing Nathan.. Definitely hits home but I’m finding myself overwhelmed about where I would start on addressing such things!

    • No need to start, just tap along to the script Kylie! Of course, say them all a few times before moving on to the next one… 😉 Le’me know if ya need any assistance, I can get’cha started in the right direction. *big hugs*

  5. April

    Wow. This is huge for me. I didn’t see it this way. I have never had a successful relationship. Indeed it did start with my mother. So much so that she self destructed at the age of 48. Even her death was a way to show us that we made her life so miserable that she would rather actively pursue death. Although truly we were very good children. It was just her perspective. Wow. I need to go have a cry.

    • I appreciate your candid response and peek into your life April. This kind of honest evaluation of your life will assist you in making the changes necessary to enjoy successful relationships, even for the first time. Please let me know if there is any way in which I can assist you. Be well my marvelous friend! <3

  6. Dana

    Hi Nathan,
    Your article could not have been any more timely or on the spot. I just wanted to offer you my profuse gratitude. The pattern you describe has been in my family for years and this January my 16 year old son took his life as the ultimate form of withholding love… Sadly he learned this pattern from me and my husband, which we learned from our parents and on and on. I am no longer willing to participate in this destructive act. Thank you for giving me the clarity to release it from my consciousness.
    Dana

    • Dana, thank you for your transparency and gratitude. I can see how your son has become your teacher, and you his student. I fully support you and your family as you continue on your journey of releasing this pattern from your lives. Thanks again for your comment, I appreciate you and it!

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