Learn Why Stress Management Doesn’t Work!

We’ve all heard that exercise, relaxation, meditation, support systems, etc. are great ways to manage our stress.  Stress management is pumped up in our society as a means to cope with the day to day grind of work, family, and society.  But I’m of the belief that stress management is just a way to avoid the real issues in our lives, just another dysfunctional distracter in a long list of them to help us cope with our suppressed feelings.

As you may already know, I am a HUGE fan of the book The Secret Language of Feelings by Calvin D. Banyan, as well as The Sedona Method by Hale Dwoskin.  Both of these books present unique insights into how our feelings work, as well as methods for dealing with the real issues that we are suppressing (the former will be dealt with today).

The Sedona Method explains that we are adept at utilizing two different coping mechanisms when it comes to our feelings, the first is suppression, and the second is expression.  In all healthy relationships, there is a time and place for both.  Hale Dwoskin gives the example of being at work and needing to suppress a feeling in order to stay employed, expressing your feelings with the boss in a meeting after a feeling is triggered isn’t necessarily a great idea.

Suppression as a lifestyle, or bottling up our feelings inside of us, can lead to all kinds of health issues though, as our cells and nervous system take on the extra load of dealing with the pent up tension.  It can also cause us to sabotage and harm our most important relationships.  As children, we are taught suppression from an early age…good girls don’t get angry, big boys don’t cry, etc.  In fact, if we are sad and start to cry, often, our parents will attempt to distract our sadness away, teaching us that it is ok to avoid our feelings, and to instead find a distracter to sooth our suppressed feelings.

Distracters take on all shapes and sizes, from alcohol, drugs, TV, movies, over eating, reading, video games, etc., and in excess, they all provide temporary relief from our stressors.  No wonder it is so profitable to provide distractions in our society!  People are stressed, so business is GOOD!

We can also express our feelings, which is an attempt by our ego to feel “heard”.  The telling and retelling of our story is often just another addiction, where we aren’t really expressing our feelings as much as we’re craving attention from others, to satisfy the ego’s need to be “right”.  Other times we express our feelings by venting, or some variation thereof.  And then there are the supposed healthy ways of expression, where we try to exercise away our feelings, journal, meditate, or some other way relieving the steam built up inside of us.  Although this might be healthier than letting the feelings boil over, it still ignores the real problem, which is the fuel that is causing our pot to boil in the first place.

THE CAULDRON
In The Secret Language of Feelings, the author gives an analogy of a cauldron filled with water sitting on a fire.  The flames cooking our cauldron are fueled by our past, present, and future stressors.  See “Figure 2” to the left (scanned from The Secret Language of Feelings, pg 22).  Our emotional state is determined by how hot or cold the water in our cauldron is at any given time.  The colder our water temperature, the more we are experiencing a state of emotional ease, joy, and peace.  But the warmer our water becomes, the more we experience emotional discomfort and pain.

It is easy to see why a seemingly small event in the present can trigger us to the boiling point, as we’re already a walking cauldron of boiling water.  The straw that breaks the camels back doesn’t even have to be very big to cause a meltdown of epic proportions.  Enter in distracters and stress management.

If I was to exercise to relieve some steam in my cauldron, I would prevent myself from boiling over, this is what stress management is all about.  However, stress management fails to address the fuel that is causing the stress in the first place, our past, present, and future.  Our past is made up of our our egoistic programming, which are our beliefs, and our future worries are primarily based on those same beliefs learned from our past.  If we were to remove the fuel known as our past, we would also remove the fuel from our future worries, leaving only the moment to contend with, our now.

RELEASING
And now we come to the third alternative of dealing with our feelings, one in which we are able to enjoy the emotional freedom of the now, releasing.  Hale Dwoskin calls releasing letting go, and he has this to say about it, “it is the equivalent of turning down the heat and safely beginning to empty the contents of your inner pressure cooker” (The Sedona Method, pg 32).

Why relieve stress when you can relieve the stressor causing the stress? The answer to this question has led thousands of people across the world to turn to a relatively new technique called EFT (the Emotional Freedom Technique, or tapping).  EFT is another form of releasing, and can be a powerful tool for removing the fuel that is causing your cauldron to boil over.  This technique has been the foundation from which I have learned to live in the peace, wellbeing, and joy of the now, and I believe that it can and will do the same for you.

If you are new to EFT, I encourage you to check out my “What is EFT” page at the top.  If you have been involved with EFT for some time, I recommend that you find a partner or coach to further your emotional gains.  And to everyone, I recommend the books The Sedona Method and The Secret Language of Feelings, as they provide some unique insights and tools to assist you on your EFT journey.

Did you find this article helpful?  I appreciate your feedback!  Please feel free to comment below and let me know how this has helped you to grow as a person.  Also, if you enjoy reading my blog, please sign up for updates and tapping tips on the form at the top right of your screen, as well as “like” my Facebook Fan Page!  Be well!

Disclaimer #1: The information and coaching I provide is intended to educate, inform, and inspire you on your personal journey towards optimal health. It is not intended to replace a one-on-one relationship with a qualified health care professional, nor is it intended as medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you are under the care of any health professionals, I strongly encourage you to discuss modifications in your diet, lifestyle, exercise program, nutrition, or use of EFT (Meridian Tapping) with them prior to making any changes, and never discontinue or reduce prescription medications without consulting your doctor or pharmacist. Disclaimer #2: Although this blog is not a large money maker for me, I still do make something from it each month. I do this via generous donations from my readers (via the PayPal "donate" button on the right of each article), but also from affiliate links within my blog posts. Any link to a book will generate a few pennies for me from Amazon.com should you purchase it. Also, I will make a small commission from any product purchased from my advertising on the right side of each blog post.