10 Responses to “Feelings About Love & Codependency”


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  1. AJ

    I love it! It is so true that we depend on others for so many things and when we fight to be independent it seems to stir the pot creating more negative feelings for all involved. I like how you used interdependent showing that we are all dependent on one another in some form. Thank you!

  2. George Garvin

    Thanks Nathan. Your article about helplessness and independence was profound and original. I’ve never heard that idea expressed that way before. It resonated with me and has got me reflecting on it. My energy with the opposite sex seems like I am in a struggle, an opposition striving for congruence that is undermined by the opposition. I feel like I am firing a shot across the bow one minute and bestowing flowers the next. It’s a power struggle (with its cause being either helplessness or an expression of independence, just as you said). Power struggle is antithetical to love, undermining the sexual and emotional connection that the power struggle has as its aim. Such self-destructive self positioning. Lifting away the layers one can dis-identify, and just be, not demanding anything from someone else to satisfy our supposed helpless dependency or supposedly liberate our independence. I can relate to the painful discovery of repeatedly giving up presence for helplessness or isolating oneself through independence. Your article framed this very well for me, and I encourage you to share the perspective further in your work.

  3. Beth

    Very well written regardless of note form or not 🙂 I find myself somewhere in another spot that you did not address… I am creating less dependence in my children and am opening back up to truly being in a relationship but have yet to find someone I find independent enough. I’m odd in that I don’t feel the need to stray or create drama but extremely selective in who I will be around more than a couple of times. I can open up to someone and am willing to be vulnerable but only if they prove themselves strong enough… Does that even make sense?

    • Sounds like you are finding a “dependable” person, somebody you can rely on? I would say that you are an independent person but seeking to find somebody you can be dependent on, you are seeking safety and security–you are seeking to be dependent again because you are tired of being independent. We flip flop often in life, because we only know the two options and the middle ground too, which are all just gray areas of codependency. The healthy alternative is interdependence, which is only found in oneness. A tree has several parts that are all interdependent on each other…the leaves, branches, trunk, and roots are synergistic in their support with each other, because they are one. Dependency/independency sees everyone as separate, where the dependent knows they are inadequate and needy, and the independent is afraid that they are inadequate and needy. An interdependent person is whole and adequate because they are one, and thus do not need somebody else. Great question/insight Beth!!! xoxo <3

  4. Beth

    Sounds right 😉 And at the same time I’m becoming more and more whole and healthy 😀

  5. Hi Nathan, this is Walt your friend from SLC. Love your article here, I have tested my self and found that i have many of the co-dependent beliefs you have mentioned. And many of them are conflicting. Such as;

    75% I submit to expireince intamcy
    50% I dominate to experience intimacy
    75% I act helpless to recieve love
    65% I create/see others as helpless to give love.

    Most women see me and men in general as conflicted, and this seems to be part of the reason why. Another large part is due to how we men have been programmed by society to view and relate to women.

    Thanks for the blog and list of beliefs I can now remove.

    Walt recently posted..DNA Activation, Regeneration and Longevity

    • Wow, thanks for posting your experience with my article Walt! It always fires me up reading about how my friends and readers are experiencing epiphanies with me!


  1. […] George, a reader here, pointed out in part 1, “Feelings about Love & Codependency”, independent people isolate themselves from others for protection.  This was definitely in the […]

  2. […] and even divorce may follow. In short, marriage is a way to secure the future based on the past, a codependent trap where a tightrope between freedom and security is walked, but where neither need can ever be […]

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