Do You Have What it Takes?

Our self-concept is a powerful force in our lives, with it we filter each and every event that we experience.  If we have a positive self-concept, each moment is filtered for the positive, whereas we accept the positive things that align with our beliefs.  If something negative is spoken towards, or happens to us, we filter that out as well, like water off of a ducks back.

However, If we have a negative self-concept, we only see the negative in life, and we only accept negative comments and circumstances that prove the beliefs that we hold about ourselves.  Anything positive will be filtered out and it will be difficult for us to experience.  This is why some beautiful people are driven so hard to become even more beautiful through plastic surgeries, their self-concept filters out the beauty and leaves only faults and imperfections.

Jim Fay, the author of the “Parenting with Love and Logic” book series, has this to say in his book “I’ve Got What it Takes”:

Psychological research has taught us much about our self-concept and its development.

We know that our self-concept lives in our subconscious mind.  Our subconscious mind is much like a computer.  One of its functions is to store our experiences and perceptions in a memory bank.

Our memory bank is huge.  It stores all of the experiences and perceptions we have ever had.  These can never be taken away by surgery or psychiatry.  [Although EFT sure can do the job!] …

…In my years of research on self-concept I read more than 100 books and articles, and at the end of my study I concluded that all research and study on the subject could be reduced to one simple equation.

IC – INC = SC

IC is the I’m Capable message account.

INC is the I’m Not Capable message account.

SC is Self-Concept.

The equation means this:  The sum of all of the I’m Capable messages I have stored in memory minus the sum of all of the I’m Not Capable messages I have experienced equals my Self-Concept.

According to Jim Fay of Love & Logic, there are three types of parenting methods, the helicopter, the drill sergeant, and the advisor.  The helicopter parent sends “I’m Not Capable” messages to their children subliminally through their rescuing and hovering.  If their child forgets their homework, the helicopter is there to hover in and rescue them from their consequences, a bad grade. This sends the unintended message “you’re not capable of remembering your homework on your own, I have to rescue you”.  In many circles, being a helicopter parent who hovers is actually considered loving and nurturing, however, it is clear that this is actually destructive to the child’s self-concept.

In the same scenario, the drill sergeant will berate and condemn their child openly while either bringing the homework to school, or by letting them suffer the consequences.  This sends the open message of “you’re not capable of remembering your homework, so I have to yell, shame you, and ride your butt until you remember it”.

As you can see, both the helicopter and the drill sergeant are sending “I’m Not Capable” messages to their children.  The third parenting style, the advisor, sends “I’m Capable” messages by not rescuing their children and providing healthy doses of empathy for their natural consequences.  This sends the hidden message, “you’re more than capable of remembering your homework, I wish you better luck next time”.  And better luck next time is EXACTLY what their children will have!

Each “I’m Not Capable” message is really just a limiting belief.  And trying to send an individual “I’m Capable” messages after they have the filter of “I’m Not Capable” firmly ingrained in their subconscious mind is a nightmare, because all positive reinforcement is dismissed by their animal brain.  In many ways, each limiting belief can be considered a trauma, which activates our fight, flight, or freeze animal instincts.

Going back in time and healing these traumas is a great way to cure such negative self-concept.  This is where EFT, a form of meridian tapping, can save the day and reprogram the mini (or massive) traumas.  The negative messages must be reprogrammed in order to improve self-concept, and in many ways, the traumatized inner child must be re-parented with the advisor parenting style.  Parenting is not just for those with children anymore; coaches, therapists, and anybody who is healing would do well to become knowledgeable of healthy and loving parenting techniques.

Disclaimer #1: The information and coaching I provide is intended to educate, inform, and inspire you on your personal journey towards optimal health. It is not intended to replace a one-on-one relationship with a qualified health care professional, nor is it intended as medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you are under the care of any health professionals, I strongly encourage you to discuss modifications in your diet, lifestyle, exercise program, nutrition, or use of EFT (Meridian Tapping) with them prior to making any changes, and never discontinue or reduce prescription medications without consulting your doctor or pharmacist. Disclaimer #2: Although this blog is not a large money maker for me, I still do make something from it each month. I do this via generous donations from my readers (via the PayPal "donate" button on the right of each article), but also from affiliate links within my blog posts. Any link to a book will generate a few pennies for me from Amazon.com should you purchase it. Also, I will make a small commission from any product purchased from my advertising on the right side of each blog post.