4th Density Marriage
My most popular article to date has been “The End of Commitment“, an article that explores the fear based roots of the concept of commitment in a wide range of aspects, from financial debt, having a job, ideas, and even marriage. It was popular partly from the controversy it stirred, with the negative comments coming from those who felt I was attacking monogamy and making an excuse to avoid intimacy. Although I am for all forms of relating, from monogamy, polyamory, swinging, and more, the article had nothing to do with freedom or security within a relationship, it was solely about the concept of commitment. I still stand by the assertion that the current vibration that marriage is experienced from in our world is based in fear, and I would like to tell of a new way that it can be experienced, a higher way.
Most of the concepts that are experienced in our third density (heavier) world also have a corresponding fourth density equivalent, a way to be experienced free from expectations, strings, hooks, and fear. Every time a concept, such as love, is related to a lower density, it must get translated down and made heavier, thus love from the fourth density is translated as living your truth and unconditional, while love from the third density is translated as fear and concern for security and freedom, and is usually experienced through some form of lying, half-truths, and conditions. Therefore, what is experienced as marriage now is a commitment based on past experiences laced with future expectations that must be abided by and met, and when these expectations are not upheld, anger, arguing, lying, manipulation, and even divorce may follow. In short, marriage is a way to secure the future based on the past, a codependent trap where a tightrope between freedom and security is walked, but where neither need can ever be fully satisfied.
However, there is a way to experience marriage free from expectations of how it “should” be experienced, and to allow path, destiny, and the eternal moment the freedom to be what it is. Byron Katie says, and I’ll paraphrase, “we know that something should have happened because it did happen,” in other words, everything we experience is meant to happen, there is no need to resist or control it, and relationships are no different. In this higher form of marriage, there are no expectations of monogamy, polyamory, security, freedom, or anything else, because those are all labels of the future based on past experiences and fears. In the fourth density form of marriage, the labels that we used to make us feel safe or free disappear, because there is never a place that is unsafe or restricting.
These labels are only true in a world where separation reigns supreme, but in an interdependent reality, where everyone is interconnected and one, the need for such labels dissolves. When we see our friends, family, society, lovers, etc. as separate, we feel afraid and alone; we need to create definitions for what each person is to us so that we can feel either free or secure. This freedom and security though is just an illusion based on a definition that our mind created from nothing, and this mental construct prevents us from experiencing the truth of who we are as love, blocking intimacy from occurring. When we let go of these labels and beliefs through EFT or other releasing methods, we inch our way towards fourth density relating and unity.
One thing that I am also now sure of is that marriage is not something that you do, it is something that you already are together; two souls that are destined to unite because it’s either the plan to come together, or on a higher level you are already ONE soul…and if you have to ask your partner to marry you, there’s a good chance that you’re not meant to be married in the first place, at least not in your current state of spiritual and emotional separation. Let me put it another way, marriage is not dependent on your history together, nor about your future together, in fourth density, it is a state of being and an experience of unity when you are together or apart. In this state of being, divorce is not an option, because separation can’t exist between you, only the unity of oneness exists, which is absolute intimacy. In absolute intimacy there is the realization of absolute security and freedom.
This does not mean that you must abandon your lover or spouse because you came together in third density relating, on the contrary, this relationship is an excellent vehicle that can challenge and show you your limiting beliefs and fears. This is why at the Divine Pollination Hive we recommend using relationships, including various forms of non monogamy, as a path of personal accountability and spiritual awakening between partners. Attempting to legislate security and freedom through a third density committed marriage is a desperate attempt by the ego to find that which cannot be found at it’s current level of consciousness, it’s trying to legislate oneness.
For those who are single, dating, or even in a relationship and are still looking for the “one” that they can feel safe or free with, this too is a vain attempt by the ego to find outside of itself that which can only be found inside. My contention is, and this lines up with the teachings of Osho as well, that true union can only be found after the internal work has been done, after personal wholeness is achieved. Using the experiences of being single, dating, in a relationship, married, monogamous, non monogamous, swinging, etc., is the best way to bring up personal triggers in your life to become a person that is capable of the true unity that fourth density marriage reflects.
For more on third density vs. fourth density relating, please see the following chart:
From 3D to 4D, a Higher Order of Relationship.
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